I feel so much worse off than before we started. I was wearing thin, but now I just feel broken. I am such a different person than when we began. I hate being bitter, feeling so powerless. I am just walking around trying to find someone to reach out to. The need to find and be an honest person is overwhelming. The past year’s journey has turned me into someone I am not familiar with. Someone I do not like. One who lacks confidence and security, one who does not trust those around her. You should have helped me with that. You should have made me feel beautiful and loved. Safe and secure, but I was just so jealous and resentful. Never have I understood how the person you love the most can also fill you with more rage than you have ever known, until now. We loved, and with the same passion that made us love came fights full of mean words and hateful actions. I wanted to let you go so many times, but I wasn’t strong enough. Not strong enough to just give up. Neither were you, I guess.  I didn’t see myself falling behind, but it is like a dream, and when you wake up, you realize it isn’t real, no matter how much you want it to be. If you wanted to leave, then I wanted you to.

Currently Listening The Acoustic EP By Early November see related

Not too sure who xanga's anymore, but here goes...

I totally feel like an insomniac at the moment...among other things. I also feel like a fool. I feel naive and oblivious. Oh well, I know it will get better, and I am not really so sad as I am mad. Piece of advice: If you have a strong feeling about something...go with it, man. Don't push that shit in the back of your mind. For one it just makes you miserable if you are going to think about it all the time anyway, and then if you find out you were right, you just feel like you have been had. Oh well, I am convinced that at least one of you boys out there is trustworthy. I mean come on. It isn't THAT hard, is it? Perhaps I just make bad choices. I think that is it. I need to be more picky next time around. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well!

Currently Listening The Best of George Harrison By George Harrison My Sweet Lord see related

Merry Christmas everyone! I haven't updated in a really long time, and due to boredom, I thought now would be a good time to do so. I hope eveyone had a fantastic christmas. Mine was good. My family went to church, went to my cousin's house, and then had Christmas at our house last. It was good. I didn't get an ipod, but I did get money to go on my trip to Canada. I shouldn't spend all of it, and there will be a paycheck waiting for me when I get back so I should still be able to get the ipod myself.

I must say, I am way excited about Canada. Robert told me that there is a foot of snow on the ground. It is going to be wonderful. I haven't seen that much snow in a really long time. It is only a week from now, but I have to work just about every day until then so I bet time will crawl by. Phone calls to and from Canda are tricky because I am not sure what my plan allows me as far as calling Canada so I am not able to talk to Robert very much. My parents would be very mad at me if the phone bill was out of control...and I am afraid it may already be.

Roommate, I miss you, and the more I think about the drama with our other roommate, the more enraged I become. Oh me, I guess we will just have to deal with it when we are all back at the apartment.

Let's see... my break has been going pretty well so far. I got into the music business program, and I was able to sign up for a few more classes so I will have a pretty full schedule next semester. I have also been working a lot, which is good because I am going to be making pretty good money. That is about all for now. I will try to make the updates more frequent for the 2 of you who still read this!

Currently Listening Plans By Death Cab for Cutie I Will Follow You into the Dark see related

So, I know that I should be studying for a test that I have in the morning, but come on, who wants to do that? Anyway, I have been listening to the new Death Cab cd, and it is pretty amazing. "I Will Follow You into the Dark" is my favorite. That is number 5. You should listen to it.

Well, I have been feeling pretty good lately. The weather has been amazing and I got an A on my first Audio for Media test. I feel like I can breathe with a little more ease these days. In the last week I feel as though I have let go of so many insecurities that have plagued me for a while! And that feels pretty wonderful. I mean, I know that breaking up is never fun, but when both parties know that it is for the best, it makes it a little easier. I have been feeling a little lonely lately, but that is just because I just got comfortable with the situation that I was in. That is all, and now I am getting comfortable again with being on my own.

Taryn and I plan on going to Atlanta this weekend to see The Rocket Summer. It should be a fun show. Neither of us have ever seen him play so we are excited. And tickets are only ten bucks so that is even better.